there are many things in my life that i can look back on and wish that i could change... but i dont regret any of it. if these things didnt happen, i wouldnt be the person i am today.

lately, everything has been either moving in slow motion- or in hyperspeedfastforward. school is out in like, 10 days or something. and i never have to go back. ever. highschool holds many memories, and centennial has a part of my life that i wont ever get to re-do. this day is coming, graduation day that is. and its time to grow up. a chapter in my life is about to end and a new one is to begin. i want to see things, and go places, and meet amazing people that are worth my time. unlike a lot of people that consumed parts of my life,that shouldnt have. all the time i spent on countless dead end situations- sometimes you just have to let things go.

i want to fall in love, i want to be in love, i want to feel love, and give love. i want to look at someone and smile, i want to look at someone and cry, i want to look at someone just because i can, and they will look right back at me and think in their head "damn, i love this beautiful girl". i want a boy to tell me im beautiful, i want him to want me - and no other girl. i want him to smell my hair, and say - this is the only scent i want to smell forever. i want him to memorize the shape of my face, and see it in his dreams. some boy, i want to think about me when hes upset, and have the thought of me calm him. i want him to be able to say hes sorry and mean it. i want him to say he LOVES me and mean it. i want to laugh with him, and be able to talk to him about serious subjects and share intimate moments, and give myself to him. i want to find this perfect boy.

i want this perfect boy to be jake.

nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them... im feeling that hes almost perfect - does that mean that im falling in love with him? [i hate these games ]

i want to know what i want to do with the rest of my life.[but i just dont]

its hard when you think back at all the time you spent thinking about what you wanted to do, what you wanted to become - still never meant anything if you still cant figure it out.

its about time i figure it out- because graduation is here... life is here. its ready and its calling me out saying "julie, what are you doing with your life"

tia was always right heather, when you graduate youll only hold onto those few people ...

your right, when i look at certain parts of our past i hate it too. but like i said before, i dont regeret any of the things that ever happend between you and i - because... look at us, obviously theres nothing in this world that can make you and i not share something special. we always will, we always have. weve gone thru a lot of shit together, and caused a lot of shit to happen, gotten so angry and all that bullshit, it cant stand in the way of our comfort. youll always be my stongie dudie. and ill love you till forever. <33

and to stacey lee hamilton, i miss you, and forever will you be someone i come to with my problems and issues. youll be around long after everyone else is gone, and its because you are a true soul, a wholehearted genuine beautiful girl... person. i love you.

... mvoing on, i just got a call from my cousin, and im on the phone with her - and she just told me that she hooked up with mike back in december. who does that- my cousin, and the boy who pledged his life to me? okay. sure... awesome right? this is why i dont deal with bullshit, and drama. he even has a cool new girlfriend. [whom answeres the phone every time i call] lame. im so over petty highschool bullshit.

by the way... MB ROM was so fucking amazing last night. not the people tho, the people there fucking sucked, as usual. but i was blown away. <33