do you ever just go back and read old entries?

i find myself doing that alot these days. and its not even that i read every single one, i just click on random ones.

i clicked on this one today

"you dont even understand how awesome this night was. =D

okay- so after my boring 2 hour orientation for work... i came home, went to JoAnn's with mom, then to old navy... and i saw the hebsters champion in the parking lot at copelands, so i knew she was working...

after trying on 8 different pairs of khaki pants- i booked it over to talk to hebs. she came up with this cool idea that i should tell my ma she could leave .. and that i was gonna go home with heather. and my mom agreed. but she reminded me about church in the morning... but anyway- i talked to heather for a while... sat in her truck till she got done closing. and while i was waiting, i called my husband. [mike] and left a message.... heahter got back in the car- and we hit up del taco. [yum] she ate while we sat in the parking lot and talked... and ring ring goes my cellphone- and on the caller i.d. it reads "my husband <3" so i said heather should i pick it up!? and she goes YEAH DUH! so she answers and talked to him for like 2 mins... and then i talked to him in the car for like 5- then heather was like mike julies gonna call later... i gotta talk to her. so we drove home... and we talked. and we alwasy talk about cool things. i love it. eye heart cha hebs.

so i make it home - and i ran into the house, said hi to the rents, and called my hubby back. :) we talked for a pretty long time. and i was on cloud nine. and im so happy right now. maybe some of you dont know how much i love this boy- but if you were to hear us... or see us together, you would know that we are definitly meant for eachother. ... and ya know what. we really are. i love him. but im tired now... and i think i might have a good sleep tonight. :) so im gonna bone out- later days...

<3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxox <3 "

"I HAVE THE COOLEST DIARY EVER. =D its all thanks to my mikey moo.

baby i love yoU!!!!!!!!

thank you so much.

oh gosh. im excited. <3 <3

but yeah... today i did nothing. except work from 5-10 and thats why im on here now... but im leaving to sleep until tomorrow...

later days.

sign my guestbook and tell me what you think. !!! :)

<3 xoxo"

found this one too:

"i wonder, if i was on drugs... is this feeling i have right now, the feeling i would have if i was overdosing?

because it really fucking sucks.

head pounding. hands sweaty. blood is hot flowing thru my veins. pulse running rampid.chest caving in. throat dry. eyes burn. knees quivering. heart...breaking.

oh wait... thats right. thats what it is. that fucking familiar feeling is what it is. its the perfect boy... ripping my heart out.as if my fragile fucking emo ass heart doesnt break at the drop of it- hes then laughing at how much my chest is bleeding, slamming it heartlessly onto the floor. hes not just stepping on it... rather stomping on it. watching it being squashed into oblivion - as he looks up at me with a grinn on his face looking at giant hole in my chest then at the tears accumulating in my eyes saying "what? did you think you were good enough for me?" ...

who am i kidding. i never am.

you fucking suck. "

"big apple sureshot

Landing on a runway in CHICAGO and I'm grounding all my dreams of ever really seeing CALIFORNIA, because I know what's in between is something sensual in such non-conventional ways.

Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say.

Tonight I'm writing you a million miles away.

Tonight is all about "We miss you."

And I can't forget your style or your cynicism, somehow it was like you were the first to listen to everything we said.

My smile's an open wound without you...and my hands are tied to pages inked to bring you back.

These friends are, new friends are golden.

HEATHER- YOU are the amazing one. i couldnt have had a better night without you there. thank you so much for meeting him... and laughing with him too. i hope you think hes great... because i totally do. i lov eyou!.

the whole day i pretty much spent with heather...watched a movie, got ice cream, you know- do what best friends do? and then we went and watched nate ride his bicycle..he cracks me up. soon after we headed back to my house, messed around a lil bit- went in the hot tub for a good long time. sean came over [aw, hebs hes cute] we all hopped out, hung out for a while... hebbies left - nate stayed. and i think i had the most wonderful night with the most wonderful boy. gina was with us for a lil while...and she went to bed, and we stole the big couch, and just layed there for hours. he looked at me with those eyes- and i melted. not for one second were his arms not around me holding me. not for one second was he not smiling asking me if he were dreaming. he would poke me and say "youre not really here are you? this isnt happening"... not for ONE SECOND did he make me feel like i wasnt wanted. ...

please dont let this end.

...w0w...hes the boy of my dreams. "

and this one... hahah :

"so lets see... should i talk about the good news or the bad news first?

i guess i should start with the bad.

as we all know, paula has passed - onto a life better than what we know now.... does it seem to anyone else that its always the best people to go?? the kids ... KIDS... who have the best hearts, and good things going for them? first ... when i was a kid, eric. later on, ryan...then joe...now paula? i always find myself asking why- but i guess its not a good question to ask. it doesnt matter why... it just IS. you neve know when its your turn. love yourself. love your friends. love with your heart... not just your mind. our your mouth becase you can say it. keep your friends close- dont let them slip away... or maybe they actually will.

onto a better thought-friday night, im at work... robert calls me from his hotel in tuscon to tell me the results of his games. saturday he does the same. he called me on his 4 hour bus ride back to yuma to see what the score of the UNLV game was and to chit chat for a while. so i go to biggies, had my fun... came home at about 1. passed out. phone rings at 4 somethin a.m. its robert. all pissy " why didnt you call me when you got home, what the fuck" im all "rob, im not arguing right now, im tired, let me sleep" hes all" im just jokin im not mad... just look out your window" im layin there half asleep and passed out thinkin, what the fuck? look out my window, hes just messin with me. well... i get up, look out the window, and theres robert standing in the rain...after his 2 games, the long ass bus ride... got to his dorm, packed his shit up again, and then drove another good 4-5 hours to see me. do you understand how happy i was? its one of the best things anyone has ever done for me. <3456... he stayed till almost 7am then we hung out again sunday night from 7ish, to about 11:3o. called me, stopped by my house at 2:3o am and i ran outside kissed him , gave him a hug, came back to bed. today- he came over after school, we relaxed, ate lunch. chilled... heather came over to see him, and he left a little while after. brittany came over and we left for our game, until coach called when we were on the road and said our game was at 8.15 so we booked it to roberts because she wanted to meet him. we stayed there for about an hour... went to our game, and won 2-0 . to my surprise... betcha cant guess who was standing on the side line? uh huh. robert was. i ran up to him and jumped on him. and he just hugged me and kissed me and told me that he couldnt leave without seein his baby play. ... it was the perfect ending to the perfect weekend we had. i love him. its been the best so far. ... i just dont think ill make it till may to see him... i asked mmom to take a road trip with me... but i dunno what she wants to do. all i know is that i wouldnt change anything about whats going on between us. at all. hes the best. <3456789

im gonna go- i need to ... smile,frown ... or sleep, or ... SOMETHING..."

IM BORED. so what.

on the other hand. we graduated last night people. and to everyone that i shared my night with, THANK YOU, AND I LOVE YOU. because that night will be rememberd forever. <33333333333333

but FUCK stupid girls who will talk shit, but not to your face. then when you call them out on it- they act like they never said shit. i hate girls. "fight me!" ... f u c k o f f and d i e.