Saturday, June 25, 2005:
lovers. from room 911 of a holiday inn next to the warped tour in houston. i apologize for being out of touch. the internet is not easy to come by here. i hate the sun. it seems to hate me as well. but i love being on Warped tour. been hanging with lots of old friends and some new ones too, definitely talking about some upcoming tours.

after seeing us as number one on TRL i was reminded of something that happened to me on last years Warped tour. I was standing in line for catering where all the bands eat and happened to bump into a member of a huuuuuuge punk rock band that i will not mention. i felt dumb and said i was sorry. but for whatever reason the guy didn’t like how i looked or like my band or whatever and said “you shouldn’t even bother wait in line to eat, you don’t deserve to be on the warped tour and you’ll always be a second stage band”. it made me feel like shit. i left the line and just started walking away to be on my own. as i did, someone from another equally huge punk band ran over and said “fuck that shit. get back in line”. and i mumbled something about feeling sorry for myself. and he said
fuck that. lets just say that you are a second stage band for the rest of your life. could you look in the mirror and love what you did?”. and i thought about it. and i came to terms with it. now this isn’t something where i’m trying to rub anything in anyones face. in fact its quite the opposite. i realized that i loved our band no matter what happened to it. if youve seen the movie rushmore you know what i mean when i say “fall out boy is my rushmore”. its the only thing i have really believed in, in a long time. it makes my heart beat. playing the songs makes me feel alive. yeah, i come off as depressed and blue all the time, but the stage washes that all away. whether we are number one on TRL or not even on Mtv.

that all being said. i was talking on IM with a kid the other day when we were number two and she said “don’t worry, we’ll get you to number 1”. it seems like such a simple thing but it almost made me cry. a fan who cares enough about me and every member of this band to feel like they owe it to bring us to number one. like they were paying us back. it made my day. i can’t tell you the gasp i felt when we heard the news. we figured taking off 25 percent on our merch store isn’t alot to do but it’s the best we could think of. soooo again Thank you!!! every single person who ever believed in us was vindicated in that moment. you shook the world alittle bit, but it was amazing. please keep it up.

bring your sunblock and water, and maybe a couple of yellow flowers.

xo
peterpan

heather, this was pretty much for you to read. ... if you ever get around to it. because you know we have the same feelings on stuff like this - but... does this give you a little bit of a reassurance that he will stay humble? i hope so.
either way - we still knwo it sucks.
but read that entry-
it made me want to cry. haha.