lllDeAdTOfALLlll: hello julie
mestupgrluvsMXPX: helloooo
mestupgrluvsMXPX: whats goin on?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: listening to deathcab
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: thinking
mestupgrluvsMXPX: about?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: jsut life in general
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i see.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: that the only certain thing i am certian about is my band
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and that
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: my education is also important to me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but i find it that i enjoy educating myself
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: rather than sit in a class
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but ill do that anyways
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so someone can print me out a piece of paper
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: with a nifty emblem and stamp on it
mestupgrluvsMXPX: fuck. you can say that again.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so i can then take that peice of paper and frame it and go look everyone look at how good of a boy i am
mestupgrluvsMXPX: exactly.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: look how i fell in line
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and lived
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: an average life
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: in an average house
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: with an average family and wife
mestupgrluvsMXPX: when it gets broken down like that, its pretty pathetic. but i guess, unfortunately, thats a lot of what we need these days.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: its not what i need
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: its more along hte lines
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: of what i have to have
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and there is a difference
mestupgrluvsMXPX: agreed.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but then again
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i could decide to live a life in which i want to lead
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but in doing so
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i can not
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: one have the social status or the hosue everyone would like
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or be able to take care of the family id like to have
mestupgrluvsMXPX: you are thinkin this evening my friend. haha.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so im reading this books
mestupgrluvsMXPX: which book
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: baisc teachings of philosphy
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then im branching out to specific
mestupgrluvsMXPX: there we go
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: philosphers
mestupgrluvsMXPX: nice lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ive already started to write my own philosphy
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: in my head
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ive mapped it out a couple of times when explaining it to a few poeple
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: as of right now
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i dont want a gf
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or anything
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i just want my books
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ok so if youre on this reading expedition... and while you're into the whole philosophy thing. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read the Prophet
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: thats about it
mestupgrluvsMXPX: by Kahlil Gibran
mestupgrluvsMXPX: please.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: strangely enough, i've been reading quite a bit lately. whenever i have a spare second my face is in a book.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: the one i'm reading right now is fricken dope.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ... have you seen walk the line, yet?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: nope
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: sorry to cut u off
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but listen to this
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: my brain works in a series of event s
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: always
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and religiously it does this
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ...
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ill be driving around
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or sitting there
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: doesnt really matter where
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im always thinking
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i mean always
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: debating philosphizing
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: what have you
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and ill sit in a my car
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or wake up froma dream
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and be upset
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i;'m the same way
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: at some past occurance
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: it will usually start with brittany
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: one ur basic
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: childhood
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: traumatic event
mestupgrluvsMXPX: mhmm...
mestupgrluvsMXPX: continue
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: which actually even tho i mentioned it i really dony care about
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im an adult now
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: it just pops in my head for the sole fact its in my memory
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: stored data if u will
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: anyays
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then
mestupgrluvsMXPX: yes
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i think about you
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and then krystal
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: u and krystal always flip flop
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: tho
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: the order
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but it always comes back to you
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and its rather wierd
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: not weird in the sense i dont like thinking about u
mestupgrluvsMXPX: explain how it always comes back to me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: like i start thinking about what i did wrong for krystal to leave me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then ill think about what i exactly did wrong to push u away
mestupgrluvsMXPX: and...?
mestupgrluvsMXPX: then what
mestupgrluvsMXPX: you compare the two... orrrr?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: no
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: no comparision
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i believe that everyone
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: does this
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: they ahve there first love
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: they then break up
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: they have there little flings
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then they have the one who treats them right by they push themaway
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: thats you
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and then they relize what was right for them turns into a lesson learned
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i can agree with that
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: two outcomes can come of that
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: either u can take the risk
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and stay with them
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or u can take the risk and leave them
mestupgrluvsMXPX: yes.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i chose the downward spiral
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then after that
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: u have more flings
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then u think u found the right person again
mestupgrluvsMXPX: yeah, i was just gonna ask... do you think you took the wrong risk?
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: wait one second
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then u think u found the right person
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but not hte perfect person
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: because the perfect person u surpassed
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then the " right person" leaves u
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and then i continue the spiral
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: all over again
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i think you;re dead on
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i think you're exactly correct.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: however, i realized this long ago... haha
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im seeing agirl now and shes lame i refuse to ask her out
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: or date her
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i dont care what happens
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: because
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ive decided to remove myself from the equation
mestupgrluvsMXPX: well good. i suppose. thats not so bad.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: it isnt
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im the type of person
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: who cant do shit on his own
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i have to learn the hard way
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so im waiting for life to smack me in the ass
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: then ill finish my education
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: as of right now
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i have no incentive
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: because the only person i have to take care of is me
mestupgrluvsMXPX: exactly.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: youre 100% correct.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: its been a very long time since ive seen u
mestupgrluvsMXPX: a year almost
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: yah its ridiculous
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i know.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: my mom and i were just talking about that.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: julie
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so i was thinking about this
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ...
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and dont think that i only think about this when i get lonely caue theres alot of times im cruising
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ...
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: if u were to take a circle
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and believe
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: everything goes full circle
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i think i delayed the inevitable
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: by surpassing u once maybe i was too young to stupid to all of those things
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: my mom and dad
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: bring u up
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: all the time
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: that cant just be pure coincidence
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: its rather strange
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: my dad gives too shits about who i see
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ... :-
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but hes always like what baout that italian girl julie
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: now
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im not one to be cocky and be like
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: yah u and me will get back together
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: haha that would be lame
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: what im saying tho is
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: when i think about it
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: it seems like a rather nice outcome
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: for the future
mestupgrluvsMXPX: ...sigh.
ya know nicholas. you really know how to sensitize me.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: well i mean
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i look
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: at it from all perspectives
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: physical mental emotional
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: the only problem with when i thin about these thi9ngs
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im only thinking one sided
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: my happiness
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: how it would relate to my life and my happiness
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i never take urs inot consideration
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: now dont think of me as an asshole but when im pondering these things im only applying them to my life
mestupgrluvsMXPX: you thinking wonderful things about me and how a relationship between us would fulfill you- is NOT you being an asshol.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: e
mestupgrluvsMXPX: not at all
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so one mentally i would never have to think that u would be with anyone else
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: cause hell i think wed click
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: same with emotionally
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: we clicked
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i just
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: acted like we didnt
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and thirdly
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: physically
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: we have the stamina of a cheetah
mestupgrluvsMXPX: hahahahahaha
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: works out to eachothers benifit
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im nuts
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: seeing that these are all theories
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: but i think about then quite a bit
mestupgrluvsMXPX: well, i'm glad that you do.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: even when im happ hap hap fucking happy
mestupgrluvsMXPX: but i;m kind of in the position where i dont really know what to say.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: oh thats fine
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im just telling u my mind
mestupgrluvsMXPX: and yeah,.... in the past ... when i was in the dorms you said some things relatively close to what you've just told me.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: and at the time... i really didnt believe you.
mestupgrluvsMXPX: however
mestupgrluvsMXPX: now, i really kinda do. but i'm in no position to be saying anything else, ya know? what happend between us, happend. how i felt, was how i felt. but this is now. i'm with someone else.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: well
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: a couple montsh ago
mestupgrluvsMXPX: and it affects me. it does. i want you to know that.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i was thinking of that conversation
mestupgrluvsMXPX: because - i truly loved you. with my whole heart. and of course its gonna make me think. but like i said, i'm with someone, and i am totally happy with him.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: in your dorm room
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i was nuts back then
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: absolutely schitziod
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i was like i cant believe i even said that shit
mestupgrluvsMXPX: i know nick. I KNOW. i had to put up with you. haha.
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: well
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: we will continue this later
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: u can call if me ud like
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: im going to eat
mestupgrluvsMXPX: mmk
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: chicken fingers
mestupgrluvsMXPX: no, you call me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and get the bird flu
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: well i never know a good time
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ill call u when i please
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: nice call in the middle of the night
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: five minutes before u have to be up
mestupgrluvsMXPX: hahah fuckin A
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: so i can ruin ur sleep
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and then
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: u will think about me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: the whole day
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: how one
mestupgrluvsMXPX: call me in a little while if you want
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: ur tired because of me
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: and two because
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: i called u
lllDeAdTOfALLlll: hehe
mestupgrluvsMXPX: NICK
lllDeAdTOfALLlll:
mestupgrluvsMXPX: sheesh!
lllDeAdTOfALLlll signed off at 8:52:47 PM.
see. it never fails. once i'm with someone - in a new relationship. the ex boyfriends and boys from the past start poppin up again.
however, nick and i have remained very close friends. but - it doesnt suprise me that hes thinking all of this. i told him he would.
i called it.
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